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Laura
Member since:
3/31/09
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Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM Hello, I have never been on a board like this before. My sister in law is 22 years old and has many medical issues, one of them is she has no control over her bladder or bowels. She can move around very little and needs help with everything. Her bladder and bowel issues started a few months ago so she is still having a hard time accepting it, however now with her needing help doing everything from eating to getting dressed she still will not let anyone change her diapers. She is currently in the hospital and there she will let them change her but she is very stubborn and at home we know she will put up a fight. What is the best way to handle this? She also met her best friend on this board a few months ago  Laura
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Cojo
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM
Laura: Your sister in law may be dealing with multiple issues. But here are some things to consider.
1. She is steadily losing her independence and is fiercely holding on to all that she can. Yes, it may be more efficient for someone else to change her, however, as long as she can still do it, then no one should offer to do it at any time. When the day comes that she can no longer do it she will let you know.
2. Years of training in our society that this portion of the body is "sacred" may also play a part in this and she is uncomfortable with the hands of others in that area. You must accept that.
3. We all received the injunction that those who wear diapers are babies - in an effort to get us out of them. Of course, this was not the truth, and for those that must deal with incontinece, wearing diapers is a hard pill to swallow. She must come to her own on recognizing that assistive devices only define your physical limitations and not who you are.
I'm sure there are a number of others that would provide useful information if they could only get this board to take their postings.
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DUKE OF EARL
Member since:
3/30/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM
Right you are Cojo, Right you are!!
This board is getting worse in the respect.
Alas, but onto the subject at hand.
To Laura:
Please know that the advice that Cojo has given is top notch and says it all with caring and indeed dignity.
I only have one more outreach suggestion to add to this list and that is to do the following:
In a calm and quiet, sisterlike way, take the time to sit down with your sister in law and log onto this site and if you have problems logging on you can always have a screaming fest which by the way is a very good stress reliever. With all jests aside, sitting down togeather at the computer while reading over the vast sea of posts herre will be a staff of stength for you to use to your advantage.
Take Care and Be well,
Duke Of Earl
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Nice Guy
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM
While she is in the hospital, someone needs to discuss this with a nurse/doctor in front of her. But if she can do it herself, this includes creams, powders, proper fit, etc. she should.
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Laura
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM Hello again, We have spoke with her in front of the doctors before. She has tried to change herself and it was about 15 min of trying only to realize she failed. We have talked to her many times about needing help and that it isn't her fault however as I said before she is very stubborn and will try to do everything you say she can't. The girl can not even feed herself well and will try to do it anyway only to spill things all over herself because she is refusing help. She has still not accepted any of this. Only 6 months ago she had her second child and had a fairly normal life. My heart goes out to her, I just wish she would accept that she needs help and stop fighting to do everything herself. She thinks she is going to be able to go home and start taking care of her own children again without help. Something just isn't clicking. ~Laura PS. (I know you read this board often and if you read this and would like to talk about it let me know. I love you!) That was for her
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John
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM
Laura,
The doctors and nurses can help with the physical aspects of the situation, but what I hear you describing is not just affecting your sister-in-law, it is affecting the family. It might be a good idea to look into family counseling to help the family with and suggest ideas of working together and coping.
You may also want to look into having home care (nurse) to initially help everyone in the transition of care.
Take care,
John
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Laura
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM
Hello again,
You are correct; it is affecting the whole family. Unfortunately we live in 2 different states and she has gone back home to GA as of yesterday. She is doing much better and is accepting help from others, a nurse that she loves very much has been with her yesterday and today so that may play a big roll in her allowing this nurse to help. She does have home care for 5 hours a day. She is slowly accepting what she can and can not do at home. According to my husband she is doing great but is a challenge when it comes to keeping her away from the stairs. She may be allowing others to help her because she cracked her arm trying to take a walk by herself the other day at the hospital. She is now even more limited. Does anyone know of a website like this for ideas and support for people like her? I know this is just a website for incontinence.
Thanks!
~Laura
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DUKE OF EARL
Member since:
3/30/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM Hello Laura, You can find a caring and helpful environment at the following website http://www.incontinenceforums.info/index.php
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Laura
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM
Hello again everyone,
Well my sister in law is on her way back to NY. I have a few questions,,,,,
1. What is the best way to protect against bowel leakage from her diapers? She wears Tena diapers.
2. Powder? People on here speak of powder. She needs to be catheterized every few hours; can you still use powder on someone like her?
3. Anyone have experience dealing with an adult with a mind at the level of a 4 1/2 year old? Some days are better then others and she will seem normal and other days she will throw fits like a small child, after about an hour she seems normal again. This will happen over the smallest things, ex. unable to take her shoes off and instead of asking for help she will just start screaming and will hit herself in the head. Another example is she thinks she can drive still; when she tries to find her car keys and can’t find them she will start screaming. (All the car keys have been locked up in a safe) Any suggestions before she gets back up here? All this is happening with her husband.
Thanks guys!
~Laura
laurakhsmith@yahoo.com
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Nice Guy
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM
Any type of leakage can be helped by making sure the legs tapes are snug AND plastic pants. I powder with Shower to Shower to keep away the sweaty feeling.
I'm not qualified to answer your 3rd question. Seek a professional.
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Pizza_girl
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM Crazy house? I dont think so. I am not crazy. I changed my name so no one would know who i am. i was sick but im not crazy. steve you should be sticking up for me right now and your not! I know you read this board and i havent come on in a long time but tonight i did and to read what she said about me hurts. sucks to say i am at her house right now. by the way im not 22 anymore im 23 now  Steve please stick up for me 
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Pizza_girl
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM
laura i love you too but im sad that you told the world about my problems and stuff that has happened to me.
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Pizza_girl
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:21 PM
earl i am sorry if i made you uncomfortable and if i hurt anyones feelings. i just dont feel the world should know what kind of problems i have now. i just want my life back and i know i cant have it back yet. god has a reason. i do live in ga and i had to come back to ny for a while until i am better enough to go back home to ga where i live. laura and steve please dont be mad at me. i love you both. it is just to hard to read what others feel about me right now when i want to be normal again and do the things i used to do.
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Laura
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:22 PM Hello All, I apologize for the post “pizza_girl” wrote. We are sitting here together right now reading over this and she agrees that she was wrong. She has made it clear that she doesn’t want to be thought of as “crazy”. I would like to say she is far from “crazy” and just requires more assistance then most people. I have assured her that she will be back to her “old normal self” in no time and that it will take time. The girl had brain surgery, lung surgery, heart surgery and a broken arm all in the last few months. Many more things have happened over the last few months that would take a very long time for me to type Please forgive her for the post she wrote and lets all think positive. She has agreed to start talking to councilors as she does see them regularly but refuses to speak. I think denial plays a big role here. Going from a perfectly independent hard working mom to someone who needs help 24/7 has got to be very hard and I give her all the credit in the world. She has come back to NY State to continue to recover as the health care in the state of GA is not as good as NY. Steve is a very good friend of hers and this whole family I am sorry she dragged you into this. Feel free to email me and I will let you know what happened. Earl, I appreciate your responds to my questions and I surely hope you understand why I can not put my feelings about your responds on this board as I might end up in the “dog house” more then I already am. Take care, Laura
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EARL H
Member since:
3/30/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Mar 31 2009 09:22 PM
Hello to Laura and to Pizza Girl,
Let me first clarify that the term "crazy" is far from what I intended for you and secondly that a short term stay in a Assisted Living Home [not facility] would help you get back on your feet quicker and maybe a little safer too.
Think of this option as living in a first class hotel where your safety and comfort as well as any rehab programs are at your disposal without having to do anything but call for "room service".
Please know that if anyone out here besides me might have been ready to give up on your situation but as I've said, I've been there and done that to a certain degree and will still be willing to be here for you both to chat with and perhaps be a vent for the days ahead.
I do agree that this forum might be a "dog house" to post certain problems non related to incon. and because of this you may feel free to contact me via E-mail to help you through the upcoming road to recovery without any need to feel judged or degraded in any way. Again my only interest here is for you to "Get Back Into Life" in this case not referring to Depend products. Feel free to E-mail me anytime at the following address and I'll be happy to respond in kindly and promptly.
Best Wishes to you both and call on me anytime you feel a need.
Earl H
DANMIRIAM2EH@AOL.COM
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Brandie
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
May 08 2009 12:02 AM
I can sure relate. My condition took a huge turn for the worse during my third pregnancy. I was in the hospital for a long time. Lost my bladder & bowel control completly. Got a little better for about a year or two. But about the time my 3rd daughter was getting out of diapers I was going back in full time after years of minor incontinence stuggles. Within a couple years I was in a wheelchair and needing fulltime care for everything. The first year was the worst but you never really get over the need to have someone help dressing bathing eating medications etc. Watching your children grow up while you lay in a invalid care bed in diapers & pads helplessly using them like a baby is tough to except to say the least. Having good caring friends and family around you. A good relationship with your doctors and nurses is very important.
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Rent23
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Jun 18 2009 08:34 PM
Laura, and Pizza Girl,
My heart goes out to both of you.
Pizza girl, I can't imagine what you are going threw. It sounds like your have been threw quite a few medical things in the past few months. I will keep you in my prayers and am sure the doctors will do all they can to help you.
Laura, thank you so much for helping your sister in law. it takes courage to come on here and ask for help. Keep doing what you are doing, we need more loving people in the world like you! Your story touched me and I wish you both noting but the best!
-Dave
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DannyL
Member since:
3/31/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Jul 01 2009 11:26 PM
Hi Laura,
I'm very down tonight,and rarely get this way,but I have found when I put my words here,I start to feel better.I have went through what your sister in law has,and it takes time to sift through all this.I hope she can come here again,so many of us need to hold hands so to speak,and get through the rough patches.
hugs
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ContinenceNurse
Member since:
1/9/10
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Jan 09 2010 12:59 PM
God Bless you Laura and Pizza Girl. I read all the posts here and my heart goes out to you. I truly wish you all the best.
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independent
Member since:
7/7/09
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Re: Helping a 22 year old cope.
Jan 13 2010 03:12 PM
i know what its like not being able to do things on my own after a head injury in a car accident when i was five years old i 've had to have people help me do things through out my life.
i never got a drivers lisence or had a relation ship because i can't get out on my own.
i know how it feels when you see people doing things that you can't
but i alwase say to my self that there are people in this world that are in worse sitchuations then i am.
j brady
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