Oct 28 2009 09:53 AM
My mother-in-law is 85. She has moderate alzheimers. She lives with her husband three-hours drive from me and my husband. She is also a thrifty person and has been using incontenance sheilds (just changed from using menstral pads). She is getting much worse having to change clothes 4+ times a day. Now we need to have a discussion with her about wearing incontinance briefs and proper disposal. How do you bring this up...it's so touchy!
Thanks in advance for your thougts.
Caring for others discussion
How to you tell your mother-in-law she needs to start using incontenance briefs?
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Last Post: Jan 09 2010 01:04 PMby: ContinenceNurse
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BvilleDIL Member since: 10/28/09 |
How to you tell your mother-in-law she needs to start using incontenance briefs? |
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RMS Member since: 3/31/09 |
RE: How to you tell your mother-in-law she needs to start using incontenance briefs?
Oct 28 2009 08:42 PM Hi Bville. You're right, this is a very touchy subject, in no small part because it requires once proud people to face their infirmities and, on some level, their mortality. I don't know if there's any way to put this to her that couldn't be taken poorly, but I'll give it a shot. "Mom, you've been going through so much, and I know you're facing a lot of personal challenges right now. But I think I know a way we can lessen the impact of one of those things. "Right now it seems like you're always worrying about having accidents and changing your clothes at the least convenient times. If we were to get you something that could handle accidents a little better, you wouldn't have to worry so much and maybe it would help you relax a bit. "I just want to do whatever I can to make things easier on you, and it seems to me that having one less thing to worry about would be a good thing right about now, and there's certainly no shame in that. "What do you say, can I help you find a product that will lessen your worries about accidents a bit?" -RMS |
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KCWW_Boarder Member since: 3/31/09 |
RE: How to you tell your mother-in-law she needs to start using incontenance briefs?
Oct 29 2009 11:53 AM Well put RMS!....I think what's important is that she first feels comfortable enough to talk about her bladder control problems. I'm not sure how much you have discussed this, but I'm assuming it may have come up given that you know that she uses shields. |
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BvilleDIL Member since: 10/28/09 |
RE: How to you tell your mother-in-law she needs to start using incontenance briefs?
Oct 29 2009 12:45 PM Thank you RMS. It is a touchy subject and I feel for her. I understand how humbling it can be. We struggle with needing to help and plan for the future, but no wanting to let them think we are pushing them into the inevitable. A hard place to be. Your words are encouraging and helpful. Thank you. |
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Care4U Member since: 3/31/09 |
RE: How to you tell your mother-in-law she needs to start using incontenance briefs?
Oct 29 2009 04:53 PM You are really good RMS. In addition to this great advice, try putting the incontinence briefs (out of the package) in the dresser drawer, just like regular underwear. |
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RMS Member since: 3/31/09 |
RE: How to you tell your mother-in-law she needs to start using incontenance briefs?
Oct 29 2009 06:37 PM I'm very glad to have been of some help. Again, this is a very delicate conversation, I get that, but I think they key is to focus on how things would be better if she made this one change. She may feel humiliated and embarrassed, but if you two are close it could work out just fine. -RMS |
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skittles Member since: 3/31/09 |
RE: How to you tell your mother-in-law she needs to start using incontenance briefs?
Nov 02 2009 10:04 AM May'be you can approach her by saying that this is an issue with your self and it is kind of hard for you to accept that it has come to this for you and just start talking and and say do you know of anybody in the same situation. |
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DannyL Member since: 3/31/09 |
RE: How to you tell your mother-in-law she needs to start using incontenance briefs?
Nov 19 2009 08:56 PM RMS did a very good job,you might want to request some samples from Depend,and take them with you.And just say,these help alot of people |
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ContinenceNurse Member since: 1/9/10 |
RE: How to you tell your mother-in-law she needs to start using incontenance briefs?
Jan 09 2010 01:04 PM That's a tough one. It's such a touchy and personal subject so it depends on your relationship with her. A lot of my patients seem to feel more comfortable confiding in a nurse or doctor than they do a relative. Sometimes I've been successful in getting caregivers to tell their loved one's about a Continence Nurse who will talk to them privately. I would be happy to do that with your mother in law. Please send me a message if she would be willing and I'll send you my phone number. 
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