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husband wets the bed need advice

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Last Post: Jun 20 2012 05:35 PMby: LynnK2104

thebigboss
thebigboss
Member since:
6/9/12

husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 08 2012 08:16 PM

hey everyone im new here. i need some advice my 27 year old husband is a bed wetter and has some day time accidents as well. this has been going on for about a year or so. been to the doctors but not much has come from that but a bunch of tests. and no conclushion.
about 2 months ago i reached my braking point when i found him sleeping on the bran new couch in front of the t.v. with a big wet spot on the couch. which in turn i went out and bought him some diapers. when he got home i told him if he wanted to use the furniture or the bed he would have to wear protection.
he put up a big fight for the first week or so. took me threatning to expose his secret.
now he willingly wears protection. but i belive his selfesteam is shattered which
is creating distince between us.
what should i do?
VikkiZ
VikkiZ
Member since:
2/23/11

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 09 2012 01:56 AM

Hello and welcome to the community. First off, it is so very important to remember that urinary incontinence is not an easy issue for most, some have a very difficult time talking about it to begin with. Your husband needs your support and understanding now more than ever. He needs your help maintaining his dignity and his independence as much as possible. Your threatening to tell everyone about his urinary incontinence if he does not wear protection is not helping his self-confidence. It's only hurting him.

Here is what you can do to help in the meantime. Help your husband find a DependĀ® Brand product that works best for him. Protect your furniture with some type of underpads or plastic covering available through medical supply stores. Also, if you and your husband are not satisfied with his doctor's diagnosis, he can always seek a second opinion, or ask his doctor what he can do to control his incontinence. Ask more questions! And finally, please, support your husband. He needs your support, emotionally more than ever now. Here is an article that may help both yourself and your husband understand and control triggers. I hope this helps and please keep us posted!


Vikki
Guest
Guest
Member since:
3/31/09

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 09 2012 03:33 AM

A 27-year-old man has become incontinent, has been berated, threatened, and forced to wear diapers by his wife and you believe there may be some distance between you? That his self-esteem may be shattered? Hard to imagine.

Assuming that this story is true, you need to take a long, hard look at how you're handing this new infirmity. Your husband needs lots and lots of understanding and support from his wife. He feels less like a man now, and he needs a wife who can reassure him that just because he needs to wear a different kind of underwear, you still love and, most important, respect him.

Honestly, your post sent chills down my spine, and it took a long time for me to cool off enough to respond. But the responsibility for fixing this is on you. Please tread carefully.

-RMS

P.S. I think your screen name is very telling.
Alexis
Alexis
Member since:
3/31/09

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 09 2012 05:43 AM

You threatened to expose his secret to others???? Are you serious??? What an absolutely horrible thing to say to him. Maybe it frustrates you, but imagine how he feels. You need to learn something about love, support, and marriage, you know, the whole concept of "for better or worse". You sound like a self-centered, spoiled brat in my opinion who needs to grow up.

I suffer from incontinence, and it's horrible. I do wear protection, but even so, we've had to replace mattresses, scrub furniture, carpets, car seats etc because nothing is 100%. I have a husband who understands, never demeans, and totally supports me. Exactly as I would do for him. That's love, that's life. So he had an accident on the sofa. Clean it. Tell him it's ok. Encourage him to see the doctor. Encourage him to wear protection. But don't ever tease him or threaten to tell others. That's his worst nightmare, believe me. You are his wife. You are the one person he needs to be understanding, and sensitive to problems, and you violated that trust. If I was you I'd pray that he forgives you for being so insensitive.

Done with my rant, but your post really hit a nerve.
oab2011
oab2011
Member since:
8/4/11

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 09 2012 10:26 AM

This is something your husband absolutely cannot help. He isn't doing this because he wants to. After all, why would he WANT to do this? He doesn't and this is something that totally needs YOUR support and understanding. This is a medical condition and something that a competent urologist needs to look into. After all, can you guarantee that you will not be hit with an infirmity later in life? No, of course not. And neither can your husband. Things do change as we get older and we need to do the things we have so those changes don't completely take over. After all, part of the marriage vows includes "for better or worse." Having taken those vows, please stand by him and not apart from him.
dustyboy1234
dustyboy1234
Member since:
3/13/11

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 09 2012 01:40 PM

I am offended that you would even come here asking for help with a story like that. If you can't see how much you have done wrong and take steps on your own to correct it then perhaps you don't deserve him.

PS, spell check is a very easy tool to use.
magicdp
magicdp
Member since:
4/26/12

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 09 2012 08:26 PM

I think he needs protection all right.....against his wife.
bedwetter789
bedwetter789
Member since:
2/28/11

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 10 2012 03:28 AM

wow what a shallow person you are, I am sure for you it is hard to deal with but put your self in his shoes would you want to be threatend, and forced to wear diapers? I know as a life long bed wetter that it is not easy for the person who wets the bed either. so here is my advice tell him you are sorry for the way you handled it and try to support him and help him get thru this.
jane pinell
jane pinell
Member since:
5/20/12

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 10 2012 04:50 AM

This is 1 of the major things wrong with people today and why divorce rates are so high! Marriage is "we" not "me".
What if he talked to you like this every month? (If you follow....)
Guest
Guest
Member since:
3/31/09

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 10 2012 05:00 AM

As I implied in my first reply, I'm not even sure the post by "thebigboss" is for real. It's SO insensitive and SO callous I have to wonder if anyone in their right mind would come an incontinence forum like this and write it. I think we've been played.

-RMS
jane pinell
jane pinell
Member since:
5/20/12

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 10 2012 07:50 AM

Perhaps, but then again, given the way society is nowadays and the way people behave towards each other with very little regard, it might just be valid.
coalboilerman
coalboilerman
Member since:
2/1/10

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 10 2012 09:31 AM

I have to agree. This type of "attitude" is more common in the younger generation now than ever before. I was married one time, and it seemed as though I was only supposed to be around when she needed me, or had time in her busy life of freinds, church, work, etc. That got old really fast, and I have been back to being single and happy for several years now because of it. I treat my wife as if she is part of me. But I sure did not get that in return. I for one believe this post is real, and she really believes she has to find him help. :(
coalboilerman
coalboilerman
Member since:
2/1/10

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 10 2012 09:32 AM

I have to agree. This type of "attitude" is more common in the younger generation now than ever before. I was married one time, and it seemed as though I was only supposed to be around when she needed me, or had time in her busy life of freinds, church, work, etc. That got old really fast, and I have been back to being single and happy for several years now because of it. I treat my wife as if she is part of me. But I sure did not get that in return. I for one believe this post is real, and she really believes she has to find him help. :(
bedwetter789
bedwetter789
Member since:
2/28/11

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 10 2012 03:56 PM

i really hope bigboss reads all these replies and see how shallow she is i feel sorry for her husband poor guy has to put up with that like was said in an earlier post he needs protection alright from his wife.
VikkiZ
VikkiZ
Member since:
2/23/11

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 11 2012 01:49 AM

Hi Everyone,

While we appreciate everyone's feedback, please remember to be respectful to members of our community who have come here seeking advice.

;)


Thank you!

Vikki
dustyboy1234
dustyboy1234
Member since:
3/13/11

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 11 2012 03:13 PM

Respect is earned. The original post did not earn any. Enough said.
mch
mch
Member since:
5/28/12

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 11 2012 03:51 PM

I was diagnosed with Cauda Equina Syndrome six years ago, and although the root cause has been resolved, the condition left me bladder incontinent. I am an active professional with a family, and in order to lead a "normal" life must wear diapers to manage my loss of bladder control.

I took responsibility for my physical condition, got the medical evaluation and help that I needed and took the required steps necessary to get on with life. My wife has been very understanding, has accepted my condition and what I need to do to manage it. I did everything I could and so has she...we worked together to deal with a difficult and humiliating condition.

What some may interpret as heartlessness here, could also be viewed as attention-getting tough love. This husband clearly had a problem and hadn't dealt with it very effectively. Expecting that a spouse should be willing to accept a wet bed, wet pants and wet furniture may be asking too much, especially given that there are plenty of ways to deal with this. At any rate, she took the step that he wouldn't. The fact that she posted here is a posititve sign. Hopefully they can work together and seek the medical attention that he needs. Most causes of incontinence can be cured, or at least helped, so the need for diapers or other absorbent products won't be necessary.

It's true, that like others who are incontinent, I have a disability of sorts. However, I don't assume that it's the responsibility of others to simply accept my condition on my terms. I am discrete and responsible, and do all that I can to help others understand what I have to deal with. Consequently, I have found that those close to me who are aware of my incontinence are supportive and considerate.

I know that these circumstances can be difficult and frustrating, and I hope that this helps. Good luck!
bedwetter789
bedwetter789
Member since:
2/28/11

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 11 2012 03:53 PM

I am sorry but I feel the way the post read this person humiliated, derated and forced her husband to wear a diaper and wants us to tell her how to fix their relationship. Sorry you broke it you fix it with that attitude and maybe she should have had some respect for us.
LynnK2104
LynnK2104
Member since:
3/31/09

Re: husband wets the bed need advice

Jun 20 2012 05:35 PM

OK, THE BIGBOSS made a mistake. But she can patch things up at home with an appology, time and a pledge of acceptace for his condition. He does have a responsability here to be part of the solution. He doesn't have to settle for diapers but tried to find the cause with no luck so far. Chances are high he may remain diaper dependent, but it doesn't have to destroy his self esteem. He can still be a whole person, just with an aide to help him.

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