Sep 16 2012 03:59 AM
Hi all. I'm a 26F I'm needing some Help and advice with my 27year old husband.
My husband started bedwetting about year and a half ago. And has developed in to day time wetting. In the last 6 months I have noticed a big change in his personality. He seems like he isolates him self to the house or his shop. Ive tryed getting him to go out and do something. But all I get is a million resons to stay home.
I believe he is haveing trouble dealing with being incontinent and needing diapers to controle the problem. I support him 100%. But when ever I try to talk about the situation he just shuts down and retreats to his man cave, I don't know what to do anymore I'm be comeing real conserved for his wealfair and mental well being. I afraid he may sink into depression as it runs in his family.
I don't know what to do or if I should give him space and pretend all is well,
I need some advice plz
Sep 16 2012 09:24 AM
Hi, Concerned, and welcome to our community. I hope you don't mind a male popping over here, but I thought a man's perspective might be what you need.
Men are brought up to believe that they have to take on the role of protector and provider for their families, and that's even true here in 2012. If a man feels he can't deliver on those things, he feels not just that he's failed, but that he's a failure.
We both know that incontinence need not make him feel less of a man--it's beyond his control. But you need to pay attention to how this makes him feel and less on the reality. Work to get him to understand that just because his body doesn't work quite the way it's supposed to, that you still need him, love him, and count on him.
It's the last point that's most important. What do you NEED him for? In what ways do you rely on him and no one else? You need to make him understand in the most authentic way possible that he's the same person he's always been, that you still need him, and that you don't see him any differently, no matter what he wears to bed.
This is about more than what happens in the bedroom--though at 26 that's going to be a big part of it--this is about helping him understand that to you he's still the same man you married and that this hasn't--and will never--changed that.
Does that help?
Sep 16 2012 01:56 PM
Concerned Wife, we want to welome you to the group and look forward to offering our support to you and your husband. Has your husband sought out medical advice and what did they say? Was your husband a bedwetter growing up or had a weak bladder with daytime accidents as a kid? If so, it may be catching up to him now and there is little that can be done. Wetting and incontinence is more likely with people who struggled as a kid. I don't think the medications can do a whole lot other than diapers or pads. What is your husband using now for protection, if any? How does he feel about using protection in the future and is he scared. We might be able to help him through the emotions and adjustment period. Going from control to diapers can be rough, but we are dealt a different set of cards from most people.
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